a few years ago while traveling in the northeast, my wife and i stopped in new haven, connecticut, at a b&b we'd reserved for the night.
no sooner had we unpacked and moved into the living room for tea and treats, our hosts began to talk about religion, and we learned they were jehovah's witnesses.
i didn't mind so much, but my wife was outraged that our hosts would use their place of business as a launching point to do missionary work.
That's completely inappropriate. We stayed at a B&B in Utah and it was obvious the couple running the place were staunch Mormons but they never put their religious beliefs in our face like that.
It's just the narcissist JW mindset. They believe they're right, the best, the chosen, therefore showing wordlies more than basic respect is beneath them. I remember feeling that way myself, years ago. I still cringe at the memory.
im asking for you guys help in a phase im going through right now.
im sure it’ll pass but id appreciate your advice..
born in, my family consists of mum, dad, two brothers and two sisters.
I wasn't born in but when I left I felt the same way you do. I was in from age 9 to 20, probably the most important years for developing the ability to make friends. When I left I didn't know how to make friends so the loneliness was sometimes overwhelming. I became very shy and went into my shell, unable to see the various offers of friendship at first due to the unhealthy mistrust of "worldly" people that was enforced on me all those years. I always thought were some ulterior motive when instead they just wanted to hang out or include me in their lives.
Luckily I woke up due to a persistent acquaintance who once point blank asked me why I was such a snob. I was shocked & hurt she'd say that but I immediately understood where she was coming from. I wasn't a snob, I was still wearing that smug JW persona that looks down on worldly people as evil, debauched and imminent roadkill when the Big A came down the road, despite not believing in that anymore. I realized I was treating certain people that way - people who were a bit "out there", alternative and different. Good people. It's frightening how much damage the cult causes us.
Get out there and do things - group things, like casual adult sports teams, hobbies, running clubs, night courses at the community centre, book clubs, whatever. Anything that gets you amongst lots of people. A smile and a casual conversation can be sometimes all you need. Of course, there'll be people you won't like or won't like you, that's par for the course.
As far as finding your non-JW cousins - try Facebook. Enter their names and you might find them.
i am approaching 76 years old.
i can clearly recall that awake!
statement and similar during the pre-1975 hype -- "staying alive in '75", et al.
It was a different era, so that doom-and-gloom message could be believed more easily than today. Even though I was an unwilling JW (mother converted when I was 9), I still remember the feeling of foreboding, excitement and near-hysteria at the KH and couldn't help but feel a bit nervous. "What if they're right?" I remember asking myself. I was 14 in 1975. When it didn't happen, it was the beginning of the end for me because it confirmed for me that it was all BS, despite my mother's insistence it was not. I got out as soon as I could, when I was 20.
Still, the whole "the end is near" thing impacted me negatively. My mother dictated my education direction. Even though I was quite academically inclined, she insisted I choose high school subjects that weren't too academically vigorous, that left office admin jobs as my only option. Absolutely no university for me because "it was just around the corner". I managed fairly well, despite that but I could have done better with that degree.
will i say " orlando, your hair is too long, and needs to be cut short" and never will i say " orlando, invites to birthday parties can't be accepted".
and i will buy my son books he wants to read, books that bring him happiness, and that he understands.
and by so doing, i hope he will acquire happy memories of his childhood, so that the sensitive and delicate, in him will be allowed to grow.
One "good" thing about being raised in the miserable life of a JW as a kid was that it made me realize, once I had kids of my own and was long gone from the cult, was how crucial it was for children to have a pure, carefree, joyful, innocent childhood free from fear and drudgery.
My mother dragged us into that cult when I was 9, so I had memories of what the good life was like before the cult made life dreary and grim. I hated the JW life and left as soon as I could, at age 20.
When I had kids, I made a huge effort to make their lives fun. I might have overcompensated sometimes by decorating the bejesus out of my home at Christmas, Halloween, Easter, etc. But I loved the joy that my kids got out of it and it was like I was reliving the stolen years of my childhood vicariously through them.
for those of you that asked, below is a copy of my solicitors letter to the elders in my old congregation.
he sent a similar one directly to bethel and a medical directive to my daughters gp to go on her medical records that i have already given permission for her to have a blood transfusion should she need one:.
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My mother had shunned me for several years after I left her cult but after I had kids, she suddenly got all friendly and wanted to start up contact again, especially with her two grandkids. We told her we didn't want her talking about her religion to the kids. She went behind our backs when babysitting them one day, showing them such illustrations. My son was about 6 and it didn't seem to bother him. My daughter was about 4 and it affected her badly, frightening her to the point where she fretted about us dying in such a horrific manner, breaking into tears at times. She also started wetting her bed and having nightmares, it was so stressful for her.
So you can't say it's no big deal, that it's just like the comics or movies. All kids are different, some can't process such heavy info, some are more sensitive than others. My daughter is such a sensitive little soul, always has been, and is today at age 28. JWs use them to brainwash kids and frighten them into obeying the cult. It's sick.
hi everyone to cut a long story short, ive been away from the meetings for over 10 years.
i recently reconnected with the congregation and started a study.
cant get my head around all the changes and jw broadcasting.
Why have your children live that joyless, isolated, highly-restrictive, fear-mongering, guilt-ridden existence? All to teach them about creation and some deity who is supposed to slaughter billions of people minding their own business?
No birthday celebrations for them, no going to birthday parties for their friends, no Christmas, no Easter, no Halloween fun, no school holiday artwork or parties, no outside friends, no joining sports teams or groups like the Guides and Scouts, no this, no that, no everything fun and interesting, no no no no ...
I was in from 9 to 20 and to this day I resent the theft of what should have been the most carefree, innocent and fun years of my life. Instead I got drudgery, isolation, bullying, excruciating boredom and soul-crushing guilt.
i really felt for you sisters i mean i really did.
when you showed up at the sunday meeting and found out the subject of the talk was going to be -and i can't quite remember the exact wording- but something to the effect of marriage and headship, or honoring and obeying your husband, or something like that how many of you wanted to jump right back in your car and head home.
i mean 45 straight minutes of beating down you poor ladies and telling you that you are not worthy of making one decision, taking the lead in anything, don't question the man be obedient and keep quiet.
By the time I got to my mid-teens I was mentally out and plotting my escape, so these demeaning talks used to make me cringe and seethe inside. This was the late 70s and the old sexist ways were falling to the wayside and had been for years but the JWs desperately clung to the old Leave it to Beaver days. I have no idea how other women in the KH felt about it because I didn't dare discuss my concerns or disagreement with anyone. It was head-down, pretend and endure for about 4 years until I left. Who knows? Maybe other women (and men) also felt like puking at these talks but thanks Darryl for your sympathy.
i took my son to the watford football club family day,-and the highlight- troy deeney.
he stayed until every last item was signed and every selfie was taken.
we left way after the end of the event and he left after us.
I was dragged into the cult by my mother, when I was 9, after she got roped in by two nice little old ladies at the door one day. I hated every minute of going door to door because I was painfully shy. I lived in terror of coming across someone I knew from school because I'd get bullied. I never advertised I was a JW, I didn't want anyone to know and I tried to live a double-life as best as I could, until I could finally escape. My memories of the others in service was that the vast majority of them were lazy, including my mother who was a feral, uber-dub in every other way. There were only a few zealous ones, so I tried to get in with the lazy ones so that I would end up at fewer doors and longer breaks.
this is a true story.
it's about a sister named henriette venema.
she was a very loyal jw.
Wow, that's so cold ... the story of Hennie and everyone else's. Cold and heartless.
Not interrupting the meeting was also stupid. First, how could anyone concentrate with all that drama going on? And second, it was a really poor "witness" for the EMTs. I doubt they were impressed by the "show of faith". Instead, they very likely thought those people in that KH were uncaring creeps.
i'm a man - d'fd for 2.5 years now and divorced.
find it hard to date girls out here only due to always having this secret i carry with me that i was once a jw and the thought of telling a girl one day why my family don't acknowledge me as even alive.. recently been thinking of trying to get reinstated and then do a quick fade as i cant go back to the whole jw stuff.. easier said than done and was turned down twice by elders after an immediate attempt 2 years ago.. my motivation for trying would be 1.
) to see if family make contact and 2) play the last hand in their game and give the middle finger.. interested in viewpoints?.
Being a JW in the past is not something you should be ashamed of, as if you were a criminal or something. Once you are in a relationship where the issue of family comes up and you feel you can trust them, you can talk about it. Just be honest, as honesty is a crucial cornerstone to any successful relationship.
You can say something like "my parents/family are JWs and I decided it wasn't for me but their cult doesn't accept freedom of thought and choice, so they shun me. That's what their religion tells them to do, as crazy as that sounds. So we don't have a relationship because of that. Not my choice, as I would associate with them no problem but they are told they are not allowed to have anything to do with me, to pressure me, through emotional blackmail, to go back."
She'll probably be shocked and disgusted, as everyone I've ever told that to has been. But they'll be understanding and they'll not hold that against you.
The best way to give that cult the middle finger is to live a full, happy life on your own terms.
